Gay Sex

[I am pretty frank in this blog. As the title suggests this entry will be about gay sex. If that isn’t your cup of tea (to borrow a phrase from my dad) you may want to stop reading now.]

I really enjoy taking it up the ass. While there are definitely some psychological aspects to understanding why I enjoy it, I want to set the record straight (snicker) that I enjoy the physical sensations of anal sex. I recall reading about a state legislator in New Hampshire who brought the subject up in a mark up session for a bill regarding state recognition of gay marriage. The legislator was purposefully being provocative in her remarks to illustrate how “icky” she thought the concept of gay sex was. Over the objections of many of her fellow legislators, she insisted upon graphically stating what she thought gay sex (at least anal sex between two men) consisted of. Her basis for going down this path was to argue that if gays were deemed to be fully equal and an acceptable lifestyle that school children in New Hampshire would be forced to learn that it was okay for one man to insert his penis into the anus of another man and then wiggle said penis in the other man’s anus, where there would most likely be feces present, until the first man ejaculated.

I was abhored by here description of anal sex. First of all, I clean out before fucking. So there shouldn’t be any brown when fun time rolls around. My next objection to what she said was that if some guy inserted his dick in me and just “wiggled” it around that would probably be the worst sex ever. When I fuck, there is no “wiggling” invovled; instead, there is a hell of a lot of pounding. She completely left out the wonderful sound of men’s bodies slapping together. She failed to mention the use of many accessories like chains, rope, leather, slings, blindfolds, hoods, spreader bars, latex suits, gas masks, etc.

The most eggregious mistake of all though is that she failed to mention the best part about sex. While she was concerned with ejaculate and feces mixing, she didn’t mention anything about the moment the guy fucking me, the “top,” reaches the point of no return. At that instant, he loses all pretense of caring about what I want or how I feel and instead is consumed with the physical need to ejaculate. Personally, I like to be fucked while standing with the guy fucking me from behind. Usually his hands are either on my hips or my shoulders. When he reaches that point, his grip changes and instead of just applying enough pressure to move me around, his grip tightens and beyond his control. His thrusting, which may have been rhythmical before changes into an urgent fury. He no longer cares if he is in too deep. He doesn’t care if I have relaxed enough. The amount of lube in use is no longer a matter of concern. Instead he is just fucking me as hard as he can so he can come.

Perhaps that isn’t the most romantic explanation of why I like gay anal sex. So I will give you the psychological part of what is happening that helps to get me off. I am gay so that means I like men. I am completely enthralled by masculinity. I like whatever it is that that Y chromosome does. When a man has reached the point of no return is the very nature of the Y chromosome. All the trappings of society and its domestication go away. The man reverts to his basic animal state. Tapping into this basic state is the complete turn on. Everything else was just window dressing to get to this point. There are some who say in vino veritas. To the contrary, I say truth is in the ejaculation.

I know that I have not done a good enough job explaining why I enjoy it the way I do. What I can tell you is that I am feeling charged up just thinking back, reminiscing all those times when the guy’s breathing changes and his thrusting becomes frenzied. So anal sex is not just some guy “wiggling” his thing in my butt. Anal sex is the slapping of bodies together. It is the intermingling of sweat from different bodies. It is feeling his ball sac slap agains my taint. Anal sex is the feeling of completeness. It is the feeling that the guy fucking me doesn’t want to be any place else but where he is at that instant. I love to let the guy fucking me know that I am enjoying the moment and I want him to be as selfish as he can be. I want to hear that slap of his thighs against the back of my legs.

The reason I love gay sex is that it isn’t the romantic, candle lit crap with soft focus and comfy pillows. For me, sex is best when it is at its nastiest. I’ve had sex in sex clubs with a bunch of guys watching. [Note: I was with my regular sex partner and we used condoms. I engage in safer sex practices as I do not want to contract any STIs.] I love it when the watchers are masturbating and come before my partner. We’ve done it in the woods with a group of guys watching us go at it. Once again, I love watching them masturbate as they fantasize being me or my partner. While my guy is being particularly vigorous, I love to look at one of the masturbaters in the eyes as he whacks away. Through force of personality I want to make them come right there in front of me.

I don’t say that I like anal sex because I have never had vaginal sex. I have, but it was never the complete mental joy that has been gay anal sex. Having sex with a woman was never like being fucked by a man (and not just for the obvious reasons.) Perhaps I was never with the right woman (BTW – the count is two). One, my ex-wife, and the other whore (literally). Having sex with a prostitute has to be the least enjoyable form of sex out there. Who really wants to get off with someone who is just trying to get through the experience as quickly and impersonally as possible? Having sex with my ex-wife was never satisfactory (and I am sure my ex felt the same way.) For her, sex was an event that required planning and all the perfect touches. Pillows had to be just so, baths had to be drawn, there had to be pampering of some kind. To illustrate the difference between my experience with gay sex and sex with women I offer this. To have mutually successful sex with a man the only thing required is lube and a condom, introductions are nice but not necessary.

Of course it should come as no surprise that a gay man likes having sex with men more than having sex with women. Duh, I get it. The problem is that I was so indoctrinated on being normal and doing what I should be doing that I wasted a good chunk of my life trying to be a square peg in a round hole (ha ha). While I did not grow up with the certainty that I was gay, I do remember exploring masturbation on my own and recognizing that I liked to insert different objects in my anal cavity. I would remember it feeling so uncomfortable and unpleasant. I reasoned I must be straight because there is no way anyone could enjoy having that done to them. Nevermind that I would try it again a few weeks later, and a few weeks later, and a few weeks later, etc….

I lost my virginity with my ex-wife. I remember the experience was ironically anti-climactic. After we finally had sex, I thought to myself, that’s all there is? There were no fireworks (I assume the same was true for her too.) Contrast this with the first time I had sex with a man. I started the night not knowing if I could actually touch another man in an erotic way. I was concerned about having to kiss a man, touch his cock (much less suck on it), and then let him try to fuck me. I just remember being so nervous about this. I also remember that when the time came, I kissed him like I had always kissed men. The guy was not circumcized so I was surprised by the appearance of his uncut cock. That didn’t stop me from handling it and exploring the joy of bring pleasure to another man. And when it came time for me to suck his cock, I learned that I had a natural talent for orally worshipping cock. We tried switching around being top and bottom to varying levels of success. The main point is that after playing with him for twelve hours, I knew that gay sex was full of fire works.

It took me a few years to finally mentally accept myself as a gay man. I toyed with the idea of going through the process of having my failed marriage annulled so I could join the priesthood [NB – it is very hard to get off the jesuits mailing list.] Now I am at peace with my life. I know who I am and enjoy being my true self. I think everyone should just try to be the best self he or she can be. The key to a happy life is to not worry about what other people say, do, or think.