Making new friends…

Whenever one door closes, another one opens.

I am sure this will sound shallow, and I admit it is shallow, but my sorrow over screwing up the friendship in my previous blog entry was rather short-lived. I got his cryptic email on Wednesday and fretted over it all Thursday and most of Friday. Friday night I braved the wicked New England weather and went to my Yoga class. [Before I continue, I must explain that I attend a Naked Male Yoga class, and while it is open to any man regardless of his sexual orientation, the large number of greeting hugs and kisses exchanged by the students before class belies its thinly veiled homosexual super-majority. In fact, I have only known of one openly heterosexual guy attending the class (and that was one session and he never returned).] After class, a group of us normally go eat dinner at a nearby restaurant. Due to the nasty weather, the class was abnormally small and I feared no one would want to go out. I was pleasantly surprised when one of the guys asked if I wanted to go get something to eat. We had a pleasant dinner together and we really hit it off. Hopefully this could turn into something. Who knows, right?

So Sunday evening I went to the next Yoga class. I got there late and discovered Mr Friday wasn’t there that night. I was a bit bummed out by that, but managed to shut that out and concentrate on the different positions. Normally after class ends there is a little time for conversation and eating some light refreshments. Sunday, I was able to meet a few more guys and share a nice but brief conversation with a couple of new guys. Because I am completely socially inept, I am not sure if any of the guys were interested in more than just light chat or if they were just being polite and indulging my inane yapping.

The most important part of my Yoga class is it is an opportunity for me to be immersed in a gay space. While I am working on being “out” in all places, so far I can only manage it in spaces clearly designated gay. It is wonderful being around men who are comfortable with themselves and it helps me to edge forward with my own situation. It is only in their presence that I don’t feel insane or fake. The guys are great. They have invited me to go camping and have started to fill me in on different social events in the area. It is kind of like having a guide to orient me to my newly accepted orientation.

I felt sad for my former friend, an older gentleman, when he remarked that he didn’t have any friends near him because so many lived abroad or had passed away. Yet he criticized his few gay acquaintances because they spent all their time with gay organizations or social clubs. My friend, who seemed a bit in denial himself, explained that he didn’t want to surround himself by people who could only be around other gay men. I didn’t say anything to my friend, but I thought to myself that I perfectly understand why these men would want to be around other gay men. I am not saying that I want to exclude everything not-gay from my life, rather, I just enjoy the security of being in a gay space. So as the door to my old friendship has closed, many new doors are opening…